Please be gentle with yourself. "
I've just arrived home from 3 amazing weeks touring Italy. This has been something I've wanted a very long time. I planned it over a year ago and it seemed to creep up so quickly. I didn't really know what to expect on my trip. Other than amazing history, beautiful scenery. and just experiencing a different culture.
I was told by a very good friend before I left, that when I returned home it wouldn't hit me for quite some time that I had been away and experienced so much.
He was right. I've been home 6 days now and it is just starting to sink in.
At first I didn't want to return home. I loved the freedom I had. I loved all the new sites ,all the new smells, all the new tastes and I didn't want it to end. But my body was exhausted for I had been on a mission sort of speak, and wanted to experience everything that I possibly could in 3 weeks.
As well I did have responsibilities and a wonderful son to get home to that still needs is mama.
So here I sit in my thinking spot beside my home, beside a river at which I contemplate life often.
I think in my head ,I left on my Italy Journey feeling like I had to check off that one bucket list item. But now that I sit here after almost a week and I have had lots of time to digest it all, I don't look at it like it was a bucket list thing anymore.
Through my course that I am studying, to be a cancer coach, I read something that hit me deeply today.
Life is a terminal disease.
Everybody always says , "oh you don't know when your time is up. Live like everyday is your last " but until you are presented with the devastation that cancer initially feels, you don't really comprehend those words.
Im now two and a half years post my second cancer diagnosis .
I can't say I live everyday like it's my last. Because that would be kind of depressing. I live everyday like it's my first!!!
So I think that's where this bucket list thing comes into play for me. It's just a list of things that people want to get done or experience or accomplish.
It doesn't mean they have to be done quick and in a hurry
No hurry , No worry.
This is a state of mind that I have arrived at, Through continued meditation, alone time and loving of myself first, I have an unending bucket list ! And I probably won't get through by the time my day comes. And that a good thing!!
I think what im trying to say is: Make a bucket list, but maybe call your fun list 😊 don't put expectations on how quickly things have to be done. Just make the little steps to get closer to those things. Don't sit back and wait for things to happen. Learn to change your thoughts and how present you are in this life..right now.
And if you're not really in the moment and not really drinking in EVERY delicious experience that is presented to you, take a step back, Open your mind, your heart and soul. Truly.
I promise when you learn to be present and in the moment, and when you do the things that make you grow, you won't be in such a hurry to get that list done anymore. Because everything you do and experience in this life is on that list already
It’s a wonderful thing. The feeling you get when you feel you may have made a difference. Ive said it before, but I do believe it’s the purpose of us being here together. On this planet. We all have something to give. What is your offering?
When I was working in the hospitals during my career, I was constantly helping people/patients. It’s was the job.
But it wasn’t too long before the job turned into much more for me. A part of the job I loved. Making connections with people. Helping in sometimes, I felt, the smallest ways, but that meant so much to that patient.
Soon I began to realize this world is about way more…than me! How many people do you know, that don’t even get that? I think when a person can look past their own needs, they awaken. Awaken to see beyond themselves. Seeing beyond the “stuff” everyone thinks they need to make them happy.
Ive seen countless patients so sick or even dying. People of every color and race. We are ALL THE SAME. We all have people that love us and people that will miss us one day.
I simply felt the need to make a difference. It was through my career I began to feel a deeper sense of belonging. Like I had something more to offer. My “offering”
I’m talking from the smallest gesture to going out of your way to help someone in need. Its what fires me up to find a new path for helping. The Cancer Coaching is that path for me. But it will never stop there.
Since last weeks post “Food for thought”, I have had several people asking me about the “diet” or as I say “lifestyle” I go by now to keep my mind and body strong.
Ive said it before, there’s an overwhelming amount of stuff out there on the internet. You must do your do diligence in researching the proper sites.
When I began to heal after failed chemo, I was at the library reading and photocopying info. It was all so much to take in. As well as the internet, I found lots of great info. I also found many documents on research trials from the 50’s and onward regarding sugar and cancer cells. Many of these trials were shut down, even after they had positive findings. They were concealed because of the negative financial impact it would have on health care and pharmaceutical companies.
Slowly we are all waking up. Time for a change I say! Doctors are now going in different directions. With their extensive medical training, they are now taking that into the direction of alternative treatments.
I myself, had even been sent to a centre in my home town that had Doctors and alternative therapies. They are out there. But they are having growing pains. And it aint cheap!
You can get chemo and radiation in Canada for free! Crazy expensive drugs and tons of expensive hospital time paid by our government. Our tax dollars. BUT, the less costly and in my opinion, possibly more effective alternative OR adjuvant therapies must come out of your wallet!!
I believe there will come a day when the alternative therapies will replace the current. Why do people still use herbs and Chinese medicines? There’s a reason after thousands of years..and that’s cause they work!
But Big Pharma won’t make a dime off it. Hospitals won’t receive funding for these therapies (yet) like they do for chemo drugs.
Doctors in the U.S get a nice big cheque every time they refer a patient for Chemo. That’s not corrupt?!
Out of this frustration, came the will to relearn what I needed to do to heal, and survive. FOOD IS MEDICINE. MEDICINE IS FOOD
Easy to read, harder to instill. But I was in a fight for my life. There was no way I was leaving my kids, a 10-year-old without a mom.
So now food is my therapy. Making sure daily I give my body what it needs to continue this fight. From supplements to eating the right cancer fighting foods.
I don’t think you should eat this way when you get cancer, I think you should eat this way to keep it as far away as possible.
So as promised for a reader that has reached out to me, this is a list of some of the things I take DAILY:
I cup of cruciferous vegetable twice a day (usually more cuz I love them)
I take curcumin with piperine
Dandelion root in supplement form
A good multi V
I eat 5 or 6 Apricot kernels (This is also known as B17 or Laetrile
I DO NOT eat refined sugars
Berries such as raspberries, blueberries and blackberries.
I take a drop or two of Frankincense oil
I also try and buy organic when I can
I buy Non-GMO certified
All my herbs and teas were replaced with organic brands
That’s the short list 😊
My offering, for today!
So Along with this new life, came a healthier way of feeding my body. I have always been aware of what my body needs. But its a whole new way of learning when you have to eat to SURVIVE. Wait a minute... rephrase that, "when you WANT to eat to survive"
I guess you have to start with the basics. AND a whole lot of research. I LOVE food.. I mean ...LOVE!! So its not only about feeding your cells and starving that cancer. Its about loving what you're eating as well. This does take time. Especially if you have lived you life till now, not paying attention to what you eat and what it is doing to your body.
Your body has told you if you're eating wrong! You know it! Indigestion, heart burn, tiredness, lack of energy, bad skin, brain fog, inflammation...the list goes on and on!
Over the past 2 years , I have seen and felt the benefits of what good food really does for your body! My weight is more stable, hunger is controlled better, my energy is always up and most importantly for me...I have no or little inflammation.
Inflammation in the body is HUGE. Its not always something you can feel. But it affects you on a cellular level. Adding certain supplements ,and regular yoga has done my body a great service. I never have pain from my arthritis anymore. My arthritis came from about 20 years of on and off again running. Too much on my hips.
I had about 4 cortisone injections before I took charge!! Now its daily supplements of Curcumin with added piperine (and many more daily supplements) As well... no sugar. especial no REFINED sugar!! Ya, that's a big one for most people.
If a recipe calls for sugar , its substituted with RAW honey or maple syrup. The above Kale salad has one tbsp of maple syrup. This can feed me for a week!
You can also sweeten things by adding dates or dried figs. These also have minerals and vitamins we need. They do have their own natural sugars, but its a healthier option.
Remember, when your body is breaking down "sugar" it doesnt know the difference between white (extremely refined and bleached) sugar (Iv'e always called this the "white devil" ) and natural sugars. Like RAW unpasteurized honey. You still require insulin for this. So remember ...moderation.
As cliche as it may be, modertaion really is the key.
Getting back to the inflammation, this is where it has an affect on the environment you are providing for your cells. Sugar is one of the number one things that feed cancer cells.
Trust me, youre gonna come upon this in some websites as a MYTH. But this all comes down from Big PHARMA.
If you're unsure about what that is exactly, let me know and Ill clarify. There are so many covered up research trials on sugar from the 50's. Just remember to really dig deep to make sure you are getting facts.
So this isn't to say I never have a piece of fresh strawberry-rhubarb pie in the summer, but I literally will have one all summer! And because I have eliminated sugars from my diet, I cant tolerate it anymore. I feel terrible within minutes of eating that pie. I am so tired I feel like I need a nap..we call this the "carb coma", and my stomach is upset. So was it worth it?
Learning to eat good, whole and mostly raw foods is something I love to do. I do believe this is why I feel so great everyday ! I have actually reached a point in my life, with this cancer, that its NOT hard to say NO to foods that do me no service.
So for the past year, I have tried to think what I could do that would fulfill me and help others. I have tried to teach my boys to do something that they love.
Besides raising my 3 sons, I spent around 25 years in healthcare. Mostly hospitals. Although my job was a high stress job, at the end of every day I always felt I had helped someone that day. Sometimes it was a smile, a compliment or just being a listener.
With my sister-in-law/Natalie/bestie's help, I have discovered my new path to helping and making a difference... leaving my footprint in this lifetime.
I have decided to become a Cancer Coach. I will be completing my course soon. This is a counseling/support worker with education in alternative cancer therapy. This means I will have extensive education in the proper nutrition for a healthier life with cancer or along side chemo therapy. Proper nutrition will only help.
There are way too many web sites on cancer help...to be exact it's over 10 million! This can be overwhelming to the new patient. That's where I step in.
I am not here to judge one's path but to support their decisions along the way.
I am excited to start this new journey.
Thank you... to the universe, for giving me the awakening I needed to start anew.
So as always, there have been way to many times that i have needed to write, but been busy.
these past few months have consumed me with a new move..to my new country home. Packing and daily trips, being concerned about everyones mental health, and all the fun that comes with moving.
I initially didnt want to move. But there was a part of me craving a new start.
Its been 2 years since my diagosis, as well my marriage ending.
Deffinately the hardest time if my life.
But I have such a beautiful feeling of peace in my new home.
I felt the first week here some strange feelings, as if my soul was purging all the hurt and emotionally destroying events of the past 2 years.
Theres nothing but love , good people and happiness in my life now.
understand, this is a conscience effort. The changes we need to make in our life take effort and time. But are worth more than anything you can buy in this world.
I have had all my lifes dreams in "stuff" .. pool, cottage , boat ..it goes in and on.
But I paid a heafty price for it. I lost ME.
i was constantly trying to help my alcoholic husband and his own soul destroying life..but it ended up nearly killing me.
This brings me to a topic i think and speak of often.
Life is short...so short.. we hear it often..but how often to really think of it...and live fully.
I have felt the desparation that the word "cancer" makes you feel.
Its a process only one can understand when they live it. But if you can look beyond it..and see what you have now. Are you happy where you are? With whom you surround yourself? With the way you speak to others..And this is most important..With the thoughts inside you.
Changing the way you think, I believe, is something that takes training. You have to want the change.
Your thoughts and emotional/mental state will affect the way you start to heal.
Its like adjuctive therapy. (a cancer term we hear early on) You need to feed your body the right foods to fight cancer or starve it..as well you need to feed the mind with healthy thoughts.
a toxic mind will only feed your body bad chemistry..bad hormones..all the stuff that make us sick..
Im talking about every kind of "sick". From cancer to inflamation.
I am living proof of the changes that come when you decided to put every ounce of effort you've got into yourself.
It has to be about you...not your partner, not your kids.
They will reep the benifits of a healthier, calmer more TRUELY peaceful you.
Ive witnessed the changes myself..as i changed Me.
Trust me, the people in your life that are by your side through this difficult and confusing time, will always be there for you.
The people who dont like your changes, were never looking out for you.. and as times goes on..that becomes quite clear.
Remember, this is all a process of learning and healthy habits.
Baby steps my friends. ...baby steps.
love to all.
Do you know what that is? a "matt melt down"?
Its a yoga term. Its that moment when you start to loose it..on your yoga mat. But its not a negative thing. Its an awakening of sorts. Ive only had a couple, but this past Sunday it was amazing! I was near the end of practice, in "child pose" when it hit me. And it doesn't creep up slowly ..it hits in an instance. Anyone whos experienced them will understand the power. It was in that moment the I became aware that "I love myself"
I know , you're thinking, "how corny" right..like a SNL skit! But when a person endures so many difficult times in one life, its a euphoric feeling!
Its taken me 19 months to get to that place.
At the time I was diagnosed (for the second time) I was also in probably the worst emotional and mental place Ive been in my entire life. I was miserable in my short marriage. I was with my husband for 9 years, married for 3 and a half.
I have never in my life loved any other person this way. And honestly, I will probably never again. To keep it short, My husband was an alcoholic. So along with that came lies, countless nights of not coming home, ignoring my texts and calls. An affair, which in my mind was what broke me. I tired to come back, but I just couldn't.
I had left the fall before and returned only to be hurt even worse.
All I know is that after major surgery, having had my large intestine removed and 30 lymph nodes, I was worn thin. I was physically, mentally and emotionally broken.
It was a Sunday afternoon. My husband was once again trying to make plans to get out and drink. As well secretly texting a woman. I was only one week post op. I just couldn't take one more day. Chemo was starting soon and It was time to be real..and put me First!
I walked up to him and said, " I cant fight this cancer with you here."
It took a while, but he finally left. That was probably the most confident I had felt in years, regarding where I needed to be.
It was also the most devastating thing Ive ever been through.
I suppose the whirlwind that cancer is distracted me for a while. But it did eventually hit me..and hard.
So when I say "I love me", its been a journey let me tell you.
I always say, if I didn't have cancer I would never have had the strength to leave my husband. It was the best decision.
For a year leading up to my diagnosis, I didnt feel and signs. But hind sight is 20/20.
I was crying all the time, full of anxiety, anger, betrayal mega stress and sadness. I went to my doc complaining of lack of energy, sleeping all the time, and stomach pains when I was crying and stressed.
I was sure it was an ulcer. But 6 months later I couldn't make it to work one day.
A colonoscopy revealed an orange size tumor. The tumor was using a lot of my blood making my hemoglobin go to about 67 which explained the lack of energy. I was scheduled for surgery 2 weeks later.
I had 3 round of chemo. The first round of drugs had me in the hospital with a reaction affecting my heart muscle that can also cause heart attacks. The second round, and new cocktail of drugs had me loose sensation of swallowing but it was minor. the 3rd round sent me into anaphylactic shock.
It was the next visit at the oncologist where I was told there was nothing else they could do for me. I had 3 different cocktails all of which i was allergic too. The last round took me near 3 months to recover from.
I asked about alternative treatments and was shot down. I was devastated. At that time I felt so at their mercy. But it was also the time I decided to do everything I could to take control of my life.
So I started reading, and researching. I went to the library and googled the hell out of natural healing for cancer . I was careful to research sites as well for credibility.
I followed the Gerson Theory, which had me juicing for a few months. I gave up all types of sugar. This is a BIG one. Cancer cells have insulin receptors on them so you dont want them getting any sugar!! I stopped eating anything white, like flour, potatoes and pasta..which all turns to sugar. I will say that since i was in my 20's my diet has for the most part been healthy, but this was at an all new level!
I started taking pure Frankincense oil throughout the day on a daily basis. i started eating apricot pits. It is actually B17 a vitamin that can attack cancer. It is called Laetrile. There are many studies on it. The list goes on and on and i am still eating that way today.
Once you have cancer, it is always there. So its my job now to starve it! To do that you need the following.
NO stress in your life, proper anti cancer nutrition, proper sleep and exercise. To feed my body the best nutrition and stop any possible new growth of cancer. This is my mission.: to fight the good fight, and help others on my way.
The most important thing I would love people to know is this: BREATH.... SLOW DOWN.
After you hear those scary words. Go home with your family and known this:
Your cancer didn't appear over night. You must take time to research all options and know whats best for you.
I guarantee, your doctors will push everything medial on you and fast! This is all they know and how they are trained.
They dont have any education in natural medicine so they wont bring it up or encourage.
They also will not tell you the dangers of the chemicals they want to throw in your already sick body.
You do have time. Nothing has to be done now. Its more important you look at all options before you make decisions about how to treat your cancer.
This is the first step in taking care of YOU.
I must admit, I didn't initially do that. Its like they pounce on you when your down. You make decisions about your treatment plan before you are even allowed to absorb whats happening.
And everybody you know is gonna have an opinion. Believe me.
Im not a doctor or expert in any medical area. I have done probably hundreds of hours of research. Relearning a new way to LIVE. Live with cancer.
This is your duty. Do you accept the challenge? Find that inner strength. You want to live... but you will have to change the way you live. Its going to be a tough road. YES. there will be tears. FOR SURE. SO be patient with yourself.
Follow my journey as I post about how I got to this place of true inner peace. Its my intention to help others that are on this same path.
Reach out to me... its all about those who support you and YOUR life decisions.
Each day is a brand new YOU!!
Peace and Love
I'm a 48 year old mother of 3 amazing boys. 27, 23 and 12 . I have discovered many passions, one of which is photography. All photos on my site are my own and hopefully they give you a glimpse of me and what makes me love life! I'm Living with Cancer... and loving everyday!
Please be gentle with yourself. "